That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
