for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
