I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
