I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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