your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
