its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
