I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
