just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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