All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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