When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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