i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
