This girl is more easily done than said...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
