I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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