his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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