Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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