Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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