I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
