Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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