My nipple is on Facebook.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
