my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we're making bets on your personal life
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
