There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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