Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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