Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
