I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
