Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
