it was like his penis was on wheels.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
