she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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