this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
