Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
love makes seman taste better
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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