look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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