Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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