Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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