Grow some girl-balls and come out already
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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