I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
