Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
