I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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