I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Semen is not good for contacts.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
