Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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