Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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