OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
