listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
