Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
