Barsexuality is the new black.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
