Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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