just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
