Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
