i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
