BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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