Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
