Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
